Fenton, I miss you.
Grieving for you is, in true "you" fashion, unique.
It's not like losing Euro. He had cancer, I held his hand during chemo, it was something I dealt with long before he left us. I was angry with cancer, I had somehwere to put my grief, it could be contained.
It's not like losing Philip. He died in a car crash. It was easy to be angry with him, he'd been drinking. It made sense. It wasn't easy, but it was something that made sense. You drink, you drive, you die. I could put that in a little box in my brain, you know?
My Dad's dad died of Alzheimer's last year. Again, easy to put that somehwere. He was old, he hurt, his death was a repreive, its easy to compartmentalize that and make sense of it and accept it.
But with Fenton, I just don't know how to make sense of it, I don't know where to put my grief, so I carry it around with me, if you will. I can't put it in a little box and put it on the shelf. It doesn't fit in a box, its like an oddly shaped xmas gift that is just impossible to wrap. What do you do with it?And how are you supposed to process it when it hits you unexpectedly out of nowhere? Like when you're driving down the highway and you brain wanders into that corner of your mind where you're carrying the grief?
What do you do? I just don't know.
